By Rachel DeSantis
This week on Red Band Society, aka “That Show About Things That Would Never Happen in a Real Hospital,” it’s the day Jordi is getting his leg amputated. Leo has promised to be there for him as soon as he wakes up, because Leo has also had his leg amputated and is the only one who understands. Unfortunately, Dr. McAndrew’s surgery doesn’t exactly go as planned and Jordi gets to keep his leg, much to Leo’s dismay. What Leo doesn’t realize, though, is that the leg can’t come off not because it’s healed – but because the cancer has spread.
In a fit of anger, Leo and Dash escape the hospital (right, because no one would notice the boy on crutches who walks at a snail’s pace sneaking out) and head to the conveniently-located frat house directly across the street. It seems as if the writers have never actually been to a frat party, because not only do all the ‘students’ inside look like they’re 30, but they’re drinking out of blue Solo cups instead of red. Anyway, Leo and Dash get into a bit of a tiff as Leo attempts to hook up with a hot blonde, ultimately leading to one of the most awkward bedroom scenes in recent television history. Seriously, I haven’t felt that weird watching a TV makeout sesh since Cersei and Jaime Lannister on “Game of Thrones.”
Meanwhile back at Ocean Park, an unlikely friendship forms between Emma and Kara as we learn there’s more to both girls than meets the eye. Emma’s got her sights set on attending a summer program at Yale – but she can only go if she gains 10 pounds. In order to do that, she’s been scheming and cheating her way to gain weight, and her tricks have gone largely unnoticed so far. That’s probably because her nurse, Brittany, is a bit of a ditz. Imagine Taylor Swift if Taylor Swift were a nurse, the kind of person who bakes cupcakes with glitter and apologizes for swearing after saying “crap.”
We also learn that Kara’s got some mommy issues – that is, she actually has two moms and doesn’t seem to get along great with either one, especially considering the fact that one is an evil step-mom that broke up her parents’ marriage. In honor of the budding friendship, Emma takes it upon herself to convince Kara’s moms that despite the fact that she’s kind of a stone-cold bitch, she’s still their daughter and could use their support.
Back at the frat house across the street, it’s time for Dash and Nurse Taylor Swift to come to Leo’s rescue and bring him back to the hospital, preferably without Nurse Jackson noticing. Of course, they accomplish this mission because, well, this is a TV show.
The episode ends with Dr. McAndrew breaking the bad news to Jordi. The only way for him to be able to continue treatment is if a family member gives the okay – which is difficult, considering Jordi ran away from Mexico on his own to the hospital (again, it’s a TV show) because his family refused to accept that he had cancer.
Will Jordi convince his parents to let him get treatment in time? Will Dr. McAndrew ever get a cooler Mc-nickname? And will producers ever figure out that in hospitals, red bands mean the patient actually has an allergy? Tune in next week to find out.