By Sarah Jezior
“Bad Judge” was cancelled and I am devastated, you guys! This show is just so silly and funny and charming and has good clothes and Kate Walsh (I could go on and on, I get very emotionally attached to my TV shows), and this week’s episode was no exception.
Rebecca Wright comes into work feeling good. She’s jamming to the music in her bright red headphones, shades on and sipping a Big Gulp. Unfortunately, the day takes a sudden nosedive when she runs into Tom and an “old buddy” (read: frenemy/arch rival) from law school, Dana McCoy (played by Rachel Harris.) You guys know what this means: DRAMA.
Rebecca: “Hey, congratulations to you, I hear you’re finally an attorney. I know how hard it was for you to pass the bar.”
Dana: “Well, if anyone knows how hard it is to pass a bar, it’s you.” Dang!
Tom: “Is this going to be a problem in the courtroom? Please say yes.”
Oh yes, Tom, it’s definitely going to be a problem in the courtroom. Thank God!
Meanwhile, Tedward is busy cutting a bolt of faux fur pelts in Rebecca’s office in order to make a barbarian outfit for Conan-Con, a convention that celebrates the “stoic majesty” of Conan the Barbarian. He begs Rebecca to go with him, which she refuses, even though Schwarzenegger himself is apparently going to be there.
Back in Rebecca’s courtroom, Dana defends a football player named Mr. Latardo, who got drunk and mooned the defendant, Ms. Mayhew. She was traumatized, and can no longer “eat food that’s served on buns, she won’t go outside during a full moon, and she lost her crafting business because she could no longer say nor hear the word button.” Ms. Mayhew is suing for $3 million, which is obviously ridiculous, but Rebecca doesn’t immediately throw the case out in order to spite Dana, who is doing everything she can to get under Rebecca’s skin.
Dana brings up Rebecca’s judicial appointment by former Governor Schwarzenegger, calling it a “breast lift” appointment. Apparently, Schwarzenegger only appointed beautiful women to be judges during his time as governor. Rebecca reminds Dana that she graduated at the top of their class, and has since enjoyed an impeccable legal career. Despite all her career achievements, Rebecca takes these comments to heart, and becomes insecure about her success.
Ms. Mayhew tells the court that Mr. Latardo’s bare buttocks will be burned in her mind forever, so Dana shows a picture of her client’s butt to the court, proving that it is not the same butt that Ms. Mayhew saw. You see, the butt Ms. Mayhew saw had no identifying features – not even a mole. But Mr. Latardo’s butt has a tattoo of Alec Baldwin on the right cheek.
During a court break, Rebecca approaches Judge Hernandez to ask him if he had ever heard of the “breast lift.” He avoids her questions almost as well as I dodge my extended relative’s questions about what I’ll be doing after college, and makes up an excuse to get out of the conversation. This leaves Rebecca feeling less confident than ever.
In her office, Rebecca laments the fact that she’ll never know for sure why she was appointed to be a judge, until Tedward points out that she could ask Schwarzenegger himself at Conan-Con! However, Tedward will only let her use his extra ticket if she dresses in full barbarian regalia, which she, of course, pulls off flawlessly.
Unfortunately for Rebecca, Arnold never shows. Tedward asks why the rumor bothers her so much, telling her she’s the best judge he’s ever for which he’s ever been the bailiff. She’s the only judge he’s ever been the bailiff for, but it’s still a really sweet moment between besties.
The next day in court, Mr. Latardo struggles to sit down in his chair, cringing in pain. His Alec Baldwin tattoo is new, gotten specifically for his defense, and it’s infected. Dana continues to be rude to Rebecca, who threatens to hold her in contempt of court. Dana turns around and threatens to file a formal complaint against Rebecca with the judicial board of review.
After a brief recess, Rebecca throws the case out, scolds Mr. Latardo but lets him off with no further punishment than his infected tattoo, and holds Dana in contempt.
Rebecca and Tedward celebrate another successful case at the bar with birthday cake vodka shots. When Tedward gets up to find some whipped cream, Judge Hernandez sits down to talk to Rebecca. In a very genuine and candid conversation, he shares his own insecurities about possibly having been hired just because he’s a minority. “It doesn’t matter how you got the robe, it just matters what you do with it when you get there. And you are doing a great job.” Awww. *Insert all of the heart emojis*
Even though “Bad Judge” is cancelled (RIP, only the good die young) there are still seven episodes left, so be sure to keep watching!