We at Binge Central have been through a lot of series finales in our day. We know what a satisfying finale looks like, and how it feels to be completely let down as a show ends its run. The steaming pile of crap that “True Blood” gave us as its final farewell is quite possibly the worst series finale we’ve ever seen (honestly, worse than HIMYM). Never has a show gone out of its way to alienate its audience in just about every regard right as it was ending. Let’s dive in to this suckfest (This may not be the last suck joke).
DAVID: The true death is near and I’m sadder than I thought I’d be.
JOSH: Euthanasia has never sounded so humane.
Photo courtesy of Real TV Chat
DAVID: I’m pretty thrilled about how this love square is playing out, all things considered. Jason’s voiceover was pretty cheesy when Jessica and Hoyt were getting it on, but it was a well-earned payoff for the audience invested in the relationship. The writing really made sense to me as I talked about last week: Hoyt was never meant for the small town-settle down and have kids life like Jason was, and the women they’re going to end up with will reflect that. I’m so happy the show is ending with Hoyt back in the fold, it feels so organic. Also, Jason with the frozen peas on his penis was arguably one of the funniest parts of the episode. And Bridgette wins: “there’s nothing inside of you that’s missing.” Can these two just boink and get it over with already? Side note, no one at the airport would actually let you flirt your way onto a plane. I call bullsh*t.Continue reading
With only two episodes remaining in the final season of “True Blood,” the show seems to have wrapped up most of its major storylines already. Besides a little open-ended relationship drama, the only conflict now it seems will be if Bill is willing to cure his Hep V or not. Or if Arlene will sleep with Keith, which as conflicts go is only slightly less embarrassing than the whole werepanther storyline from a few seasons back that just got dropped forever. But we digress:Continue reading
“May Be the Last Time” is an episode that exemplifies what makes “True Blood” so simultaneously entertaining and frustrating. On one hand, you have weird sex dungeons and Anna Camp trying to win an Emmy with a messiah complex. On the other, you have storylines that slowed to a crawl while characters either sat around or literally wasted each other’s time. Let’s dive right in:Continue reading
Two words sum up this week’s “True Blood”: GODDAMMIT SOOKIE!!!! (Well, let’s discuss).
JOSH: I repeat, GODDAMMIT SOOKIE!!!! How can you feel bad for her when every bad thing that happens on this show is more or less her fault? Alcide’s death was only because he was out looking for her. What was she busy doing? BEING VAMPIRE BAIT. And her faux flirting with Bill that turned into a neck-sucking session gave him the weirdest, fastest-evolving Hep V we’ve seen yet. I bet it’s her fairy blood that’s somehow speeding up the process with Bill. Either way, as Pam would say: “I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina.”Continue reading